Warning labels to be placed immediately on all beer containers:
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American Beer Brewers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be
placed on all beer containers:
immediately WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave
you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think
you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance
in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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